Lauren Valladares Quote of the Day.

This one isn't a quote, but a beautiful picture of Lauren, taken last week during the rain.
She was going to get her lunch and didn't want to get wet!



FYI: the hood is made out of extra trash bag from the bottom.
Lauren is so clever.

Pictures.

They are kinda random, but that's okay!

A sigh of relief.

I feel good.
I can honestly say that I am happy.

I wake up and smile again. No more anxiety at the first breath of day. No more feeling of complete emptiness.
I still miss him, very much actually, but I am very happy without him. I do not wake up thinking "That was a horrible dream... oh wait, that wasn't a dream, that really happened".

Somehow, a page was turned, and I didn't realize it until just now.
I guess it's a good thing that it happened so seamlessly, because I don't know how accepting I would have been had I known it was happening.

But I am happy. And I feel good.

MAMMOTH.

Some friends and I are going to Mammoth in a couple of days and I can't wait. It has been a little over a year since I last went up there, or went skiing in general!

Today, however, I was thinking about it, and this time going to Mammoth, will be the first time I will go WITHOUT Tim.
I have never been to Mammoth without him, or skiing in the United States without him, for that matter.

I am really excited, and nervous about this. I know that I will have an amazing time with al my friends, that is for sure. But I am kind of sad that I won't have my ski buddy with me.

Oh well, this is the time for me to experience new things, and make new ski buddies ;] Lauren and Dana!

Here is a picture from my last ski trip to Mammoth with Tim.

Sanity, do not leave me.

As I count the endless minutes down here in this dungeon called SC-2, I contemplate suicide. This solitary confinement in here is worse than the deepest depths of Mordor. Actually, no, I would rather be on some journey risking my life in the darkest parts surrounding Mt. Doom, than here standing alone waiting for my sanity to slowly slip out through my ears like a ribbon of smoke gracefully flipping me the bird.

People walk by and see the sadness that is ME behind the counter and say to themselves, "maybe we'll come back later..." and so I am left alone. Alone with thoughts I would rather never think, but have no choice in the matter.

I try to imagine myself doing something else.
I try to daydream...
I am on a journey sailing around the world with all of my friends, or maybe I am taking a nap under the sun in the park, or flying a kite, shit, I would settle for just being up at the other store right now having some bullshit conversation about hooking up with some boy.

But no.

Obviously someone out there wants me to suffer. Suffer a slow and painful day, that will lead to sore feet and a tight back and maybe even some tears.
In six hours, when I can finally give the big FUCK YOU to my 10-6 shift and go home, I will be so void of any emotion that my evening will not even be worth staying awake for.

The only positive thought I can think of is that I only have two more days in the month of January that I have endure this pain down here at SC-2.



End Note: I do not really hate my job, in fact, for a job in a retail store, I shouldn't be complaining. Just being alone at a very slow store for eight hours can be a mind fuck. I have learned many things about myself, like the fact that I will never kill a man in a very violent manner, because I know I could not handle solitary confinement in a HIGH security prison!
Also, I am not suicidal. I only feel that death may be more pleasant than this shift, some times.

The hardest days.

What is a hard day?

I think that if I were to define a hard day, I would have to say a hard day is a day where I am stuck doing something semi-stimulating while thinking of all the fun and amazing, not to mention stimulating, things I COULD be doing instead.

For example: Today, I am at work, at the lower store, which can get a little lonely and very slow. Do not get me wrong, I enjoy my job, somewhat, but when everyone else is talking about all the fun things I could be doing with them, I struggle. If I had no clue what was going on in the outside world,I would have no problem surviving work, but instead, I am hear, hating my day, wishing I could be somewhere else, doing something else.

It is not a physically challenging day, but my mind is in a state of peril.

The New Year.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

The welcoming of the new year was spent lazily, but in good company of course.






Thank You: Lauren, Dana.