As I count the endless minutes down here in this dungeon called SC-2, I contemplate suicide. This solitary confinement in here is worse than the deepest depths of Mordor. Actually, no, I would rather be on some journey risking my life in the darkest parts surrounding Mt. Doom, than here standing alone waiting for my sanity to slowly slip out through my ears like a ribbon of smoke gracefully flipping me the bird.
People walk by and see the sadness that is ME behind the counter and say to themselves, "maybe we'll come back later..." and so I am left alone. Alone with thoughts I would rather never think, but have no choice in the matter.
I try to imagine myself doing something else.
I try to daydream...
I am on a journey sailing around the world with all of my friends, or maybe I am taking a nap under the sun in the park, or flying a kite, shit, I would settle for just being up at the other store right now having some bullshit conversation about hooking up with some boy.
But no.
Obviously someone out there wants me to suffer. Suffer a slow and painful day, that will lead to sore feet and a tight back and maybe even some tears.
In six hours, when I can finally give the big FUCK YOU to my 10-6 shift and go home, I will be so void of any emotion that my evening will not even be worth staying awake for.
The only positive thought I can think of is that I only have two more days in the month of January that I have endure this pain down here at SC-2.
End Note: I do not really hate my job, in fact, for a job in a retail store, I shouldn't be complaining. Just being alone at a very slow store for eight hours can be a mind fuck. I have learned many things about myself, like the fact that I will never kill a man in a very violent manner, because I know I could not handle solitary confinement in a HIGH security prison!
Also, I am not suicidal. I only feel that death may be more pleasant than this shift, some times.
