Happiness.

There is nothing to be sad about.


You are alive. You are young. People love you.

Feelings of sadness or hatred or betrayal or anger should only be temporary expressions to describe a finite moment in time, that, guess what... will be over before you even have time to blink your eyes.

Why do you think babies are always smiling, even though they have no clue what is going on around them? Because Happiness is the constant feeling we live with. The others are just a little spice in our life, but they don't last.

So smile! It is worth it.

Face

A circle is round,
It has no end,
That's how long I want to be your friend!


One thing that makes me very happy, is when an old friend comes back to town, and our friendship is still as exciting as it was the day it started.

Ramblings... sorry.

Today has been a somewhat emotional day for me. I woke up early to study, more. I shouldn't have put off so much studying until so late, especially on subject matter I was not so familiar with. My math test was miserable. I left so disappointed in myself. I know I am the only one to blame, and I am punishing myself, maybe a little too much. Oh well, what's done is done. The next chapter that we will be tested on I know much better, and I am getting and early start on the studying. (I say that now)
I came home right after math. I did not go to my environmental class. I was so burnt out to even think straight. I got home, and decided "Today, since I have failed in math, and failed in participating in my environmental lecture, I will not fail at other aspects of my life" So I made a TO-DO list, and guess what? I did it. I went through a years worth of bank statements, pay stubs, and junk mail. I organized all of my keepsakes for when I am old. I cleaned up from my weekend. I did three loads of laundry and put away all of my clothes. I returned the few vinyls I had borrowed from Nancy, and I finally let go, of Flag Bear. The last thing I was holding onto.

While I was cleaning out things, I found old letters, and they didn't make me sad like they used to. I cried reading them, but not out of sadness or loneliness, but out of Love. I just felt happy that I knew someone who treated me with so much compassion and love. I feel very lucky when I think about things. I have been bitter for so long, because I never understood the reasons for things ending, and I don't think I ever will. But the bitterness is uncalled for. I shouldn't make something that was so sweet into a sour memory. Because the truth is, the memories are anything but sour.

As I reach the end of my current adventure, and anticipate the beginning of a new one, I am filled with a happiness I have not known in a very long time. It makes me happy to know this feeling again.

Happy to be happy.

It's kinda funny. How things turn out. Different than expected, yet somewhat the same.

And release

I finally did it.

Something I should have done a long time ago.

Goodbye to what is, now, just a memory.


I love you.

Where do the words go?

Sometimes, I have so many feelings inside of me, and I want to be able to share them, or even express them verbally, but then they just fade away like they are becoming more and more diluted the closer they come to my mouth.
I feel the same way about writing papers for school. I know so much information on the subject that I am writing about, and If you asked me to explain it to you, I could, but when it comes to translating my thoughts/voice into written words, I just fail miserably. It all comes out as a jumbled up, unorganized, desperate for a C paper.
I HATE IT. I hate it because I know that I know more than what I expressed in the paper. No matter what I do, to organize my thoughts pre final draft, it still comes out a disappointment.
I have been putting off my Environmental Hazards to Health research papers all semester. Mainly because pre-calculus has taken over my life (not only am I learning new things, but I have to re-learn basic algebra and trig), but I have also been putting the papers off because I hate turning in SHITTY papers, especially to a teacher who knows what I am capable of (I've had her for three years now). The topics are all interesting, and I do all the research for them, but I just haven't had the courage to write down my thoughts on the matters.
Sometimes, ranting on here about an academic issue I am having helps to clear my mind of nonsense, so I can then write a better paper for school, and other times, it just makes it harder.

Oh well, they say practice makes perfect, so I better get to practicing.

Inspiration.

Every once in a while, I think about the people who inspire me to be my best.
Most people would say one of their parents, or someone famous who is now long gone, but I won't. Not that I do not look up to my parents, they are great people, but they are not the inspiration behind my goals. Someone who is famous, and maybe did some great work in their life and had a few good quotes is not someone I'm looking to when the going gets tough either. NOT ME.
The people who inspire me are the people I surround myself with in my everyday life. I see them working hard to overcome their own hurdles in life, and do it without fear. These are the people who inspire me.
I am not saying all of my friends inspire me... not at all, some of them in fact are huge disappointments in my opinion. There are, however, a golden few, who truly make me excited to achieve even half of what they have.
I look at how much they have grown and I want to do just as well as them, or maybe even better. And I know if they can do it so can I.


People who love to learn and grow and share ideas. People who want to do well in their lives and know THEY did it themselves, those are who inspire me.

october 26th is no longer a good day in history.

I love getting that call from a friend I haven't talked to in years, and we used to be really close, and do everything together, then I come to find out, they are calling to get another friends number... and that is all. Not even a "Hey how are you?" Just a "Can I get so and so's number?" Ya sure here it is.




Also, Happy Birthday to someone I used to know.