Intermediate Problem Solving.

Today was my first day in my summer school class: intermediate handbuilding, and let me just say, I am so intimidated.

All of my ten classmates are so talented, and have been playing with clay for so many years.

Our only assignment is to create our own assignment, pitch it to our teacher, and then work on it, along with a few small technical assignments.

Everyone else has been working on these amazing signature projects for years, so they are all set, but I am sitting there wondering "hmmm... no fucking clue what I'm going to work on."

And to top it off, the teacher expects us to make around 40 pieces in this month and a half class: "Shoot for 40 finished pieces for the semester"

I am really excited for this challenge ahead of me. My brain is going to get a nice stretching for the next 45 days.


Quotes of the day from class:
-"Art is a high form of self-education"
-"Human beings need to be productive"
-"Solving problems leads to creativity"

Stranger Part 2.

Oh glorious Stranger,

You came back. I did not think I would ever see you again. And this second time around was just as amazing as the first time.

I am content with only knowing you as I do... as a momentary high, but if I ever see you again, I might want to know you more.

I am not greedy, but there could be something even more amazing than the few moments we have already shared.


Please come back.

Connect with me, please.

Someone once told me this amazing thing about the ocean, and until they told me this, I did not appreciate the ocean like I do today:

"the ocean is this amazing force. It is so strong that it makes perfect strangers know love. They are all different, but brought to the same place for the same reason: LOVE FOR THE OCEAN."

When ever I am near the ocean, or hear the waves break, I know I am not alone.

I hear and feel my Mother. She is the fluid motion that flows through my spirit.

It is hard for me to connect with anyone besides Tim on this matter. I am not sure if it is because i just haven't met the right people or if it is because we really are soul mates?




Side note: I have learned that SOUL MATES does not mean always together, always on the same wave length, always in
love. I have learned that SOUL MATES is pure understanding and forgiveness. You are my soul mate because I can fully forgive and understand you. I feel unconditional love for you no matter who you are and what you do, because in your mind, what you see is amazing...
You really are amazing.

Back to my thoughts though. The ocean is this anchor, where we all feel comfortable.

In ceramics, when I make something hollow, I listen just to hear the ocean. It is coforting to me. I think that the comfort I feel is due to the connection mother nature and I have.

But the whole point of this post is to vent about our loss of connection... Mother nature and I. I feel abandoned by her. I feel like with the people in my life who I share my life with, I feel no reciprocation. And yes this is selfish, but as a human, this yearning for acceptance and love is normal. And to NOT want these things is super human and weird.

So forgive me for feelig sorry for me... For one moment.


End note: I do not want to complain about my loss of connection with those who I love, but instead learn to be okay with who they are and who we are all becoming, together or separate.

I will learn.

two be free.

To be torn in two directions...

Confusion fills my heart, and my head: one side of me chooses to be with nature, and solitude, and organic movement through arts and crafts, and music. The other side of me chooses constant company, constant recklessness, constant catering, constant comfort.

I try to imagine a balance, a cohesive mixture between the two, but the image that I see in my head is just a giant cluster of unhappy children being forced in a direction they don't wish to go.

If I am to truly speak what I want to see in my mind, I get scared, scared that if I say my dreams out loud, they will fall farther away from my reach then before.



...just let me take you all away, let me take you to a magical place where life is perfect and we are all there together in love.

MY FAVORITE PERSON'S BIRTHDAY

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LAUREN VALLADARES!

22 years young, 22 years amazing, 22 years beautiful, 22 years creative, 22 years funny, 22 years stinky, 22 years horny.

I love you so much!

Lonely Hearts Club.

I think that I am lonely.

I do not want to be apart from my friends.
They make me laugh, and smile, and think about things, but when the fun has to end, I get sad.

Mark Twain said "The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself"
But I am comfortable with myself.

I just enjoy being in the company of the people I love. Even if we aren't doing anything. I just feel all warm and fuzzy when I am with them.

I hate Sundays, and not because Mondays bring with them work and school, but because they bring work and school to others, so we can't all be together like we were over the weekend.

I wish we all lived in a giant house together. So that I could wake up and smile knowing that when I get out of my room, I might run into someone in the hall way on my way to the bathroom and giggle at them for wearing stupid pajamas, or I could go downstairs and make someone breakfast. Or I could sit down and do homework across the table from someone else doing homework, or I could sit on the couch and watch a funny video on the internet with someone and we could both crack up, and then share it with everyone else we live with throughout the day, and then laugh at it for the following days. I wish I could just be a door away from love and laughs and fights and looks and smiles and tears and tension and everything in between. I wish I was a door away from being with people who don't need me to explain myself, and I don't need them to explain themselves. We just are friends and we know that we are all in love and that life is good when we are together.

When I think of things like this, I just get bummed that it isn't my reality.

Here's a secret: I love waking up cold on the floor, after a night of drinking and fun, and looking over to whoever is passed out on the couch and just laughing. And I can't wait for them to wake up so we can both be awake and giddy with friendship together. It is one of my favorite things.

I am so afraid of growing up, because I don't think that these things will ever happen then. Everyone will have their own lives that don't include the same friendships that our lives hold now.

Please, can we all stay in our 20's with no real responsibilities forever. Can we be friends like this forever. Please.

If I could sell my soul to the devil at the crossroads, I think I would.

Ceramics and a Couple of Questions.

I do not think you are one bit interested in me anymore... I am relieved.

Sorry.